Two months ago my father in law, ex brother in law, one of my most powerful sister-friend/teachers/mentors died, and last week we lost lost our Grand Pup. What the heck is going on? It feels like a vortex has opened up and are drawing up our beloveds so quickly! Since December I have been wearing grief like it is a coat of many colors, taking it on and off, depending on what the necessities of life are on any given day. I am allowing myself the time to feel the textures, look at its colorful fabric, and feel their loss deep down to the core in the most honorable way I know how. I have been falling a part and it feels so strange rolling with it, instead of containing it! There have been times when I feel like it maybe time to put the coat away, like it is out of season, or no longer fits me, then I notice yet another pattern, one that I hadn’t see before, and hold it like it a precious baby blanket that is stained with tears, tattered and torn, and holds so, so many memories.
When Daddy was passing our family came together to try and give him the best loving death possible. It was an ironic gift in that years earlier our family had been blown a part and he spent most of his life keeping his family together through the worst of times. Through the veil we could see how we needed each other to help him through AND for US! In those last days we all had precious time together, honoring him and re bonding as a family. One of the hospice nurses told us that each person before death has one thing they need before they will let go, into the great transition. What that is, is the mystery for most us try and figure out. For our Daddy it was his last rites by a priest, and his family near him. Unable to speak, he gave us clues along the way. When we were quiet enough to pay attention and listen to the signs, not the words, it became clear what “his thing” was. It was so perfect, in that he was a man of few words, and big on the actions of service and helping others. Thank you Daddy.
I have been a birth doula of many things in my life, but a death doula was a very raw and sacred experience. There are so many parallels and similarities that are experienced on each side of life, and one of the BIGGEST requirements is completely surrendering, let things fall apart, and allow the spaces to be empty so you can see. It is a meditation and similar to our breath, like fully releasing the exhale, it creates so much more space for new life to come in.
Just before my friend Cathy passed, she and I had a very long heart talk about life and death, what we valued, and what we were both sitting on that needed to be born. Shit gets real, real quick when you realize that you have fewer days or hours. The things that seem so important that we hold on to, like our grudges, excuses or anger suddenly seem petty, and a total waste of energy. They clog the system. Creating space and taking action on our hopes, inspirations and dreams on our life path is essential, along with living a life filled with gratitude. I am holding her in my heart, and remembering our blessings as I move forward.
Soooooo, I have been cleaning house, internally and quite literally one room at a time. I am making space and taking action for another of my life long dreams to become realized. This is a must for me, and a way I can honor my time, while I am still here, and not piss it away!
Over the next several months you will see and feel many changes at Two Rivers Healing Center, on my land, and in my home. I have had many visions of making our studio more affordable and inclusive to our very diverse communities. I will be making a change from our MindBody accounting system, saving some $$$’s, and restructuring the pay scale to a tiered system to make it more accessible for everyone. The spirit and tools of Yoga or Ayurveda are for everyone and sadly has devolved into only those that can afford it and is a luxury. Not if I can help it.
In addition to offering live, in person studio classes with me, I am also making HUGE progress on building a platform that offers affordable online LIVE Yoga classes, that will be recorded, so you can access them when it is convenient for you. As a member of Two Rivers, there will be an option for you to have access at a very low cost. If not a member, there will be a different affordable cost, and if you or someone else you know can’t because of $$$, I will give them a free link. A few samples of the library that I am building will include:
~MP3 Audio Classes and live-recorded regularly scheduled classes 15, 30, 45 and 60 minutes long
~The Chrone Chronicles. Live recorded interviews with our Elders sharing about life, adventures, and their story.
~Ayurveda techniques, tools, and support to help you balance your life.
In addition to all of this, my husband Billy and I are going forward with making our land a retreat center that will include a healing herbal labyrinth on the corner of our property, a community garden space, and turning our home into a VRBO/Air B & B for retreaters. We would like to host events in our studio, that will include a holistic menu such as Yoga, Ayurveda, Art, and Nature classes or workshops, or a space for building your own event. We also envision people camping on the land, and enjoying all the healing beauty it offers.
In honor of our Father, we will be donating a portion of the yearly revenues back into the community, supporting the Senior Centers and Hopelink, which he so humbly served for years!
Finally, lol, I didn’t think I had much to share, here are a few free audio classes that I recorded last week. Please enjoy them, and pray for us that this dream will become manifest, and help serve our communities in the most healing and caring way possible, for years to come and long after we pass!
Love and Gratitude!