Today is my 7 year Cancerversary and I almost forgot! Funny, not funny, that Facebook reminded me! This seems very fitting, as the past few months I have been reminded through deaths of my family and friends, how short and sacred life is, and to keep clearing out the toxic stuff that gets in the way or distracts me from what’s REALLY worth living for!
I am amazed at how quickly and easily the “cancers” slide back in and accumulate, clouding my Visions and leave me feeling susceptible again. Most days I feel like I am walking on a tightrope, as the blessings and curses of cancer have left me with a sense of urgency and purpose, and on the other side feeling devoid of being able to do or be enough or even guilt for being still alive, when my loved ones aren’t. I felt that cesspool on my 50th birthday, and am still teasing that one a part!
I was just saying yesterday to a friend that I am feeling out of balance AGAIN, as I have everyday scheduled to the max, and I know this is part of the medicine and the disease. While most of what I schedule supports what I feel my purpose is in helping serve others, I also am catching myself depleting the well by not practicing self-care first to start the day. Dis. Ease.
I have been questing on how to have my vision, put in the work to make it happen, serve others, spend quality time with family and friends, practice self-care and be in nature. (I am noting the order that I just wrote this, as it shows up there too). Time has sped up, and I get caught feeling like there aren’t enough hours in the day, or days in the week, to balance this. I know you can relate, as it is an epidemic!
Honestly, I truly love what I get to do each day and am super grateful for it! AND sometimes I do way to much from that place of urgency. Through prayer and inquiry my questions the past few days has been, “If I die today, will I be happy with who and how much I have loved (given and received)? Have I really taken good care of myself, walking the teaching? Am I truly happy with what I have done with my life so far? Would my husband, daughters and grandcubs be proud of me? Will it or I ever FEEL like enough?” Through meditation and listening I have received “Do what you can, nothing is missing. I am here with you. They are here with you. Spend less time doing, more time being.” Yoga reminds me that practice makes practice, not perfect. Thank God for for that wisdom, as it feels comforting.
So, with a cup of Bulletproof coffee in my hand, I am beginning again! I am raising a celebratory toast to all of the precious beings in my life, that help encourage me to stop and feel the beauty THAT IS already with me, expand my visions and compassionately check me when I fall short of keeping life in balance. I am saluting the Spirit that lies within me for always being there, and reminding me that all I need to do is take the time, stop moving, get quiet, that I will see that BEING is more important than DOING. One breath at a time, I am learning.
I am humbled and grateful.
Happy Cancervesary to Me!